Rebirth

           It was around this time last year that I received a “wake up call” of sorts, a renewal of my faith. Some might call it a rebirth. Ah, but mere words cannot do justice to such a life-altering event. How to explain the unexplainable? It was like being given new sight, or rather, a brand new mirror to view one’s soul in.

And so it was that a man grew up all his life wearing sunglasses, thinking that the world existed only in shades of gray. One day he bumped into a wall, the shades shattered into smithereens, and he saw all the colors of the rainbow with piercing clarity and screamed, “But I never knew!!!”

Good thing, too, for it came at a very opportune moment in my life... a time when I was crossing over from one chapter of my existence to another. A certain philosopher might call it the transition from the aesthetic mindset to that of the ethical/religious, and he wouldn’t be far from hitting the mark.

            I spent several hours of the sem break last year poring over the Bible, a tome which I had pretty much left alone as an adult after my Catholic school girl upbringing. I recall how, last year, I let the simple holy words wash over me, and fully let them enter my consciousness. As the same philosopher stated:

            “It is very upbuilding when someone humbly manages to be satisfied with the scriptural word instead of busily making new discoveries that will busily displace the old, when someone gratefully and inwardly appropriates what has been handed down from the fathers and establishes a new acquaintance with the old and familiar.”

I was very grateful for my favourite Christmas present last year, a Bible Diary given to me by my mum, and up to now I faithfully read from it and record my prayers every day. Going through my “Prayer Journal”, I was amazed at how most of my prayers have been answered, in ways I could never have expected!

            The past week in Baguio was the answer to my prayer for a cure for my weary body and a heavy heart. I slept a decadent eight hours an evening, went on food trips with my food-loving family, and got to finish some books from my to-read pile. Here’s a passage that makes for a beautifully heartfelt prayer:

            “What matters is to find my purpose, to see what it really is that God wills that I shall do; the crucial thing is to find a truth that is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die.”

            And it is wonderful that even a “run-of-the-mill” Hollywood movie like High School Musical 3 can preach this same message: the importance of finding out what one is to do in life. I’m sure we can all relate, at some level, with Troy Bolton ... the basketball star who loves theatre with a passion. I won’t spoil the ending for those who are interested in seeing the movie, but let’s just say that, like Troy, I used to be conflicted about balancing my passions in life. I am lucky that, like Troy, I am able to balance them, and remain true to myself... recognizing, of course, that I am merely an instrument, continually being bent out of shape and perpetually striving to be aligned with my Maker.

Things are much simpler up here. Time passes more slowly, and thus I am more able to savour every conversation, linger over each hearty meal. I feel closer to the Infinite, to the Divine, up here in the city of clouds where I feel as if I might be able to touch the sky if I tiptoe and reach up high enough.

But then, God is present everywhere, and I am rather ashamed of what I wrote above because it speaks of a defect in myself when I confess my need for the physical trappings of mountain views and nippy breezes to feel the Omnipresent One in every fiber of my being. Someday I hope to become so close to Him that my will and His are no longer two separate things, but one indivisible entity, regardless of my surroundings or circumstances.

And this is why I think that semestral breaks are necessary and of vital importance, for they allow us the opportunity to step back from the clutter that is our daily life, and focus on the more important yet (more often than not) overlooked things like our relationships with God, with family and friends. We are able to scrutinize our priorities and the pointlessness of our anxieties, as compared to the sheer volume of blessings that we are given despite being undeserving of such munificence.

And though I feel rather melancholy during this last day up in the Highlands, a part of me is eager to do battle as I go forth into the valley of temptation (haha, the drama!!) that defines my day-to-day life (I’m also eager to have the opportunity to work off the pounds I’ve gained, tee hee).

I pray that, as the sem break draws to a close and as we enter the jungle that constitutes our normal routine, we may keep these happy golden hours of the sem break fresh in our memories as a guide and a shield against the many trials and potential sources of despair that we will encounter.