My New Voice

"It is good to eat humble pie every now and then," my father once told me.

This is one of those times.

I now have a new voice. It is nowhere near pleasant-sounding, and is definitely not CMu voice major material (especially a 5th year voice major). It is raw, untrained, airy, small... think of all the adjectives you can assign an 'ugly' voice and my new voice will definitely fit the bill.

But the new technique is healthier. I can go higher, and although the high notes are "ugly," they're THERE. When summoned, they're there.

Not like before, with my "big, round, pretty old voice." I used to wonder why I could never go above B flat in my old technique... with B's and C's, they were hit-and-miss. There was always a 50% chance that I wouldn't be able to hit the note. Now I know why. Without getting into anatomical jargon, let's just say I was using heavy muscles for the top when that shouldn't be the case. My "big, old" voice wasn't my real voice at all. No wonder I would get tired after singing a couple of high notes, forte. I was relying on "air blasts," that's the layman's term for it. I blasted the air through my poor and abused vocal folds in order to reach the high notes. That's why I could not sing high notes softly! It explains so much.

I am enlightened. And I owe all this knowledge to my new voice teacher, Dean Montet.

This illumination comes pretty late for me. I am in my last year at CMu. I just feel so frustrated because I wasted 4 years of my life on a technique that was vocally wrong. However, they say that one good year of training can be pivotal in the life of a young singer.

I'm 20 years old. There's still time for me to learn. I'm just grateful that I did not suffer any permanent vocal injury from my old "blast" technique.

I'm just hoping that my recital will still push through. Rehearsals start in two weeks. I have two weeks to practice singing with this new technique. Realistically speaking, it takes YEARS to hone technique. I don't have years, I have a few weeks. And a few months of rehearsals before my first public performance using my new voice. I pray the time will be enough.

I know I should be happy... I know how lucky I am that Dean accepted me as his student. And it is truly an honor for me. However, I cannot help but feel sad. I miss my old sound. The new sounds coming out of my throat are better suited to a feline than a human being. :( 

I shall persevere. I will be patient. I will trust Dean and sing in this new technique... to ensure the future of my voice.