On Beauty

I'm addicted to beauty.

No, I don't mean that I'm kikay. (If anything, I think I need to learn how to be more feminine, ahehe!)

I mean, I conscientiously seek beauty. I go out of my way to collect great pictures, haunting pieces of music, exquisitely phrased sentences and beautiful thoughts carefully copied down in my diary.

I suppose that's partly why I took up Music in college, and had a blast. I was surrounded by beauty, day in and day out. I immersed myself in it for half a decade, honing my instrument (my voice) and discovering the infinite shades and degrees of beauty, whether in music, visual arts or theater arts. It made me even more sensitive to beauty than usual.

There is beauty in truth, and truth in beauty. But beauty can also deceive.

We live in a world that places far too much emphasis on physical looks. Sadly, not every beautiful form contains within an equally beautiful soul.

Possessing little physical beauty myself, I've often wondered what it must be like to be drop-dead gorgeous or strikingly handsome. They say good-looking people have things easier in life. But I suppose it's also challenging for them, when people see them and focus solely on their face or body. I know quite a few pretty ladies who tried to make themselves uglier just so they could experience less harassment on their daily commute.

The flesh withers. Body parts sag. Chins double and triple with age. The challenge is to age gracefully.

Instead of focusing on physical beauty, I really need to focus more on having a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind. Easier said than done, because part of being a girl is wanting to be pretty all the time. I need to keep reminding myself that beauty is not just about the long, straight hair, the flawless complexion, the hour glass figure. Beauty is in the inner grace with which a woman performs her daily tasks, with a gentle voice, a loving hand. There is beauty in a healthy body, regardless of how many pounds it needs to lose. There is beauty in the twinkle of the eyes, in an open mind and a caring heart. There is beauty in white hair, because it represents the crowning glory of wisdom earned through years of nurturing others.

We are all beautiful, because He made us so. And several authors (C.S. Lewis included) have written extensively about how God uses Beauty to draw us to Him. It is an indicator of our soul's divinity, of our longing for the Ultimate Beauty to be found in Paradise.

So at the end of the day... at the end of our lives... let us pray for the grace to leave our home, our office, our world a more beautiful place than when we first found it.

Have a beauty-full weekend!

Year Seven

It's going to be my seventh year of teaching. Oh golly, how quickly time passes! And it's been a wonderful summer. Although I didn't have the luxury of going to the beach or leaving Manila, I realize now that I didn't have to. My life right now is so peaceful and orderly that I don't need to get away from it. I don't need to escape from life.

I'm not saying my life is perfect. Of course, no one's life is. Mine is far from it. But in terms of wants and needs, all of mine are met, and so I have no right to complain. In fact, I think I need to look for more opportunities to share my blessings.

A busy, peaceful and productive life. I think this is the ideal, and I'm blessed to be able to say that mine is all of the above. It is far from glamorous, and I am far from attaining the kind of wealth or power that the media would have us believe is the ideal life. But then again, the day we believe in what the media tells us is the day we became mindless automatons. Instead of a high salary, I get paid in hugs. And power? Oh yes… a teacher has a LOT of power. I get to touch lives EVERY DAY, I make a difference EVERY DAY. In my mind, THAT'S power.

This past summer was wonderful. Our book club had two highly successful events, and I was able to play piano for around half an hour every morning. Starting the day right with Bach or Handel, then capping it off with Beethoven and Chopin in the evening.

Strangely enough, I wasn't able to read a lot of non-work related books. I tried finishing one of my several Thomas Mann books (highly recommended by a friend) but the pace of his writing is at stark contrast with my own fast-paced life. Some other summer, Mann my man.

And so here's to Year Seven! Although now I have to add yet another description to my ever-growing list of responsibilities: that of School Registrar. It allows me to tap into my secretarial and clerical skills. Who knew that encoding and typing certifications could be so much fun? And yes, I'm not being sarcastic. Sure, most people would find that work boring or tedious. And I suppose it is… IF your attitude towards it is such. As I grow older, I find that a lot of things can seem so different simply by changing one's attitude!

I enjoy the simple challenge of typing the neatest, most professional-looking document I and our printer can produce. I consider organizing files very important. If I can organize a small pile of files a day, and I do it every day, that good work adds up. And it has a ripple effect to the other kinds of work you do!

All work is precious and ennobling in the eyes of the Lord. And in these difficult times, it is no use to complain about how heavy one's workload is. I am just thankful to be employed, when so many others are jobless. I am grateful to have more than enough to eat, when so many others go hungry. I am grateful and welcome the challenge of raising funds for others, because I earn enough to keep me clothed, to buy the occasional book or pretty shirt, and to have coffee in a café from time to time.

Year 7, you're going to the most epic one yet. Here's to another year full of laughter, heart ache, triumph, defeat, and ultimately, another year of FUN. :) Oh, the non-stop action and drama of a teacher's life! There's no better job in the world.

Singing in Mass

There used to be a time when people dressed UP to go to mass... now, what with the proliferation of mall chapels in Manila, people go to hear mass in mall attire. At best, it's too casual for mass (e.g. branded wife beaters, shorts and slippers). At worst, it shows too much skin for mass (there's a joke about a priest who, instead of saying "The body of Christ" as he held out the host towards a lady showing her generous decolletage, said: "Christ! What a body!").

There used to be a time when the mass was the highlight of Sunday, the main event upon which all other activities are scheduled around. Now we tend to look at the mall's movie schedules first, before selecting the most convenient mass schedule.

There used to be a time when people sang joyfully, out loud, during the mass. Now, most people are content to let the choir do all the singing. But they're missing out on one of the best parts of the mass!

I can no longer count the number of times I've gotten glances and looks from other members of the congregation, presumably on account of my singing with gusto along with the choir.

They say St. Augustine once said, "To sing is to pray twice." As for me, I sing because I can't help it. I sing because it is a way of aligning my mutated, misshapen soul back towards God. I sing because it is a way to get my soul "in tune" with His Will, with the communion of saints both on heaven and on earth.

On Coincidence

I’ve never been on a silent retreat. I’ve always wanted to, but never got the chance. And so it was really wonderful that I got chicken pox this past Christmas break, because it afforded me a great deal of free time, something I’d been longing for immensely. (Note: Don’t get me wrong… I’m not anti-social or anything like that. I just happen to be an introvert, and what it means is, I need to be alone once in a while to recharge. Being with children and students all day is an enjoyable part of my job, but introverts tend to find it draining at times. Hence the need for “alone” time.)

And of course, it was similar to a silent retreat because I was in quarantine and couldn’t talk to anyone as I was “imprisoned” in my room. So basically, I got sick and tired of myself, haha!

I say getting chicken pox was great, because for me, it is evidence that He grants us the innermost desires of our heart. I was yearning for alone time, and I got it! And it was sooo nice to wake up to the singing of the birds outside my window, with the sun gently shining on my face… instead of at 5 a.m., when it’s still dark outside, with the incessant beeping of my phone alarm. It was soooo nice to eat my meals in peace and quiet, with a good book in hand, and take as long as I wanted instead of wolfing down my food to get to my next class on time. I was even able to make a considerable dent in my To-Be-Read book pile! And realized that, even if I didn’t buy books for the next ten years, I still would have plenty of books to read.

Of course, the down side was getting quarantined in my tiny isolation room, and missing out on the season’s get-togethers and naturally, missing the highlight of the holidays (for me): Christmas eve mass!! Where you sing the most beautiful music on earth, together with the congregation. And your voice becomes one with theirs, and it blends and lifts up to Heaven… one big communal, musical offering.

So today being the Feast Day of the Epiphany a.k.a. the last day of the Christmas season, I went to mass and was hardly expecting any Christmas songs to be sung (seeing that none were sung during the New Year’s eve mass).

Lo and behold! Not only did the choir sing Christmas songs all throughout the mass (even during the homily!), they even sang my top three favorites! Lo How A Rose E’er Blooming, What Child Is This and O Holy Night. Lo How A Rose is not a very popular song in the Philippines, so it was really a huge surprise and an unexpected pleasure to sing along to it!

Some might call it coincidence… but I think it’s a sign of Our Father’s love, how He grants even the ‘trivial’ things that bring us so much joy.

And so, the holiday season comes to an end, the carols will no longer be heard, the Starbucks Toffeenut latte will be discontinued… but in the words of a certain poet, NOW is the time that the real work of Christmas begins: with the start of a new year, a challenge to be the answer to somebody’s prayer… everyday. 

2013 in Books

My Life in Books (2013)

Titles in bold are HIGHLY recommended, while italicized titles were ones I found rather disappointing and hardly worth the effort/time/money.

1.      Rules of Civility by Amor Towles

2.      Love and Other Dangerous Chemicals by Anthony Capella

3.     The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barberry

4.       Immanuel’s Veins by Ted Dekker

5.     Ireland by Frank Delaney

6.      The Journal by Henry David Thoreau

7.      The Third Gate by Lincoln Child

8.     Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset

9.      The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

10.  The Virgin Cure by Ami McKay

11.  The Voice That Challenged A Nation: Marian Anderson and the Struggle for Equal Rights by Russell Freedman

12.  Breaking Faith: Can the Catholic Church Save Itself? by John Cornwell

13.  The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

14.Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill

15.  Suffer the Little Children by Frances Reilly

16.The Gate to Women’s Country by Sheri S. Tepper

17.  Paris: The Collected Traveler by Barrie Kerper

18.  Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford

19.  I’ve Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella

20.  The Art of Practicing: A Guide to Making Music from the Heart by Madeline Bruser

21.  Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris by Sarah Turnbull

22.  Letters of a Portuguese Nun: Uncovering the Mystery Behind a 17^th Century Forbidden Love by Myriam Cyr

23.The Thread That Runs So True by Jesse Stuart

24.  Teaching Stories: An Anthology on the Power of Learning and Literature by Robert Coles

25.  A Good Man Is Hard To Find and Other Stories by Flannery O’Connor

26.  Star Maker by Olaf Stapledon

27.If I Live to Be 100: Lessons from the Centenarians by Neenah Ellis

28.  The Faith Club by Ranya Idliby

29. Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky

30. Empress by Karen Miller

31. The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris

32.  The Great Transformation: The Beginning of Our Religious Traditions by Karen Armstrong

33.   The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

34.  Manila Noir by Jessica Hagedorn

35.  Longfellow: A Rediscovered Life by Charles C. Calhoun

36.  Two Graves by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

37.  The Story of A Soul by Saint Therese of Liseux

38.   The Ingredients of Love by Nicolas Barreau

39.  Jerusalem: The Biography by Simon Sebag Montefiore

40. The Various Flavors of Coffee by Anthony Capella

41. The Mauritius Command by Patrick O’Brian

42.  The Battle for God: A History of Fundamentalism by Karen Armstrong

43.   Twitterature: The World’s Greatest Books Retold Through Twitter by Alexander Aciman

44. The Modern Inquisition: Seven Prominent Catholics and Their Struggle With The Vatican by Paul Collins

45. The Most Beautiful Book In The World: Eight Novellas by Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt

46. Venice Is A Fish: A Sensual Guide by Tiziano Scarpa

47. Tales of Wonder: Adventures Chasing the Divine (An Autobiography) by Huston Smith

48. Augustus by John Edward Williams

49. Abigail and John: Portrait of a Marriage by Edith B. Gelles

50. Panic in Level 4 by Robert Preston

51. The Traitor’s Wife by Kathleen Kent

52. Bella Tuscany by Frances Mayes

53. Sister Genevieve: A Courageous Woman's Triumph in Northern Ireland by John Rae

54. The Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay

55. Directing for Theater: A Personal Approach by Edgardo Bengson de la Cruz

56. The Small Rain by Madeleine L'Engle

57. Sake and Satori: Japan (Asian) Journals by Joseph Campbell

Previous Years:

2012 in Books

2011 in Books

2010 in Books

2009 in Books

2008 in Books

2007 in Books

Life's Grace Notes

"My joy is much greater than my tiredness." -- Pope Francis

It has been one super duper hectic week. And yet, in the midst of life's busyness, there is always joy to be found. 

"Grace notes" in music function as ornaments, and are defined as "less important" notes that preempt or anticipate the actual note.

In life, God gives us so many grace notes, instances when we suddenly glimpse a perfection beyond words, His way of showing us slivers of the joy and happiness that we can expect in the heavenly kingdom. Each day sings its song of small grace notes, and we should always be alert so we can catch them. It is as C.S. Lewis said: "To let no bird fly past unnoticed, to spell patiently the stones and weeks, to have the mind in a storehouse of sunset, requires a discipline in pleasure and an education in gratitude."

I am grateful that, as I grow older, I am able to cherish more and more of these grace notes, something I was too rash and impatient to do when I was younger.

This past week's grace notes include seeing the angelic faces of the third graders during their First Communion, the joy of discussing "Ender's Game" with students who identify so closely with the protagonist (while the classic book offers something for everyone, I maintain that the book is truly FOR children), being able to mingle and celebrate the joys of reading amongst fellow readers in the 3rd ReaderCon, the huge blessing of catching the movie of the aforementioned novel in the newly opened cinema fifteen minutes away from our school, and the wonder of being able to rehearse onstage for our school drama club production of ROMEO AND JULIET.

Grace-filled moments, full of anticipation... and how timely, too, now that Christmas is nearly upon us! And how wonderful it was to hear mass earlier, and see that the second candle of the Advent Wreath has been lit! I've brought out my Christmas pieces, and after a year of not playing them, have begun to practice our household favorites so my fingers will be ready for the "grand concert" in our humble sala on Christmas eve (it's tradition! Along with watching Nigella Lawson Christmas specials to make ourselves hungrier for noche buena). 

Here's one of my favorite Christmas songs, not only because it is so beautiful but also because it also happens to be a Marian hymn (Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception!!). It is sung by the peerless Kathleen Battle:

May we be able to catch all the grace notes that He sends our way!

The Music of Forgiveness

Rembrandt's "The Return of the Prodigal Son"

                                                                         

I am a teacher, but for several years in my youth, I studied music. And once upon a time, I seriously considered it as a career, until I took a Music Practicum Teaching class in college and fell in love with my present vocation. Years later, I am still drawn to music in a very primal way… I even THINK in music, at times!

I associate people with certain types of music… for instance, there’s this special person, my equivalent of Beethoven’s "Unsterbliche Geliebte,” and whenever I think of that person I always seem to hear Schubert’s “Du bist die Ruh” in my head. J (Yes, I’m weird that way.) Or when I’m in a particularly melancholic mood, the 2^nd movement of Beethoven’s 7^th symphony.

or

For my family, I always associate Boccherini’s Minuet from his E Major String Quintet (Op. 11), just because everything is light and cheery whenever I am with them. :)

But for several years now, I’ve been living in fear of a certain person who besmirched my happy memories of college life and forever made me distrustful and wary of men. Whenever I encountered a person who resembled him physically, or just the mention of his name, the opening bars of Beethoven’s 5^th symphony would play in the orchestra of my mind!!

It was only recently that I’ve been able to speak about “the incident” that occurred on Sept. 12, 2006, to others apart from my most intimate friends. Just last week, in our class discussion about Mozart, I spoke about it to my senior high school students with the goal of warning them not to be so trusting and naïve when they go to college. I also mentioned that I found it very hard to forgive this person because no apology was ever made, and that the incident was even swept under the rug by the institution I belonged to, at the time. “But whenever I hear this melody by Mozart, I find myself closer to being able to forgive,” I said, and proceeded to let them hear two minutes of some of the most exquisite music ever written, “the music of God’s absolution,” according to Salieri in the movie Amadeus. Truly, “Contessa, perdono” is the voice of God.

In her reaction paper, one of my students expressed her outrage at what had happened to me. She also encouraged me to forgive, not for his sake, but for my own mental health. And because of Mark 11:25.

And finally, finally… I have forgiven. It took seven years, but at last, it is done. For he has passed away, you see. And in death, there is new life.

I was thinking that for several years, I’d been yearning for some sort of ‘closure,’ the one we’ve been taught to expect from watching Hollywood movies with happy endings, or ones where people receive the consequences of their actions. But now I realize that, from a Christian point of view, there is no closure in the human sense, for if one believes in eternal life and in the communion of saints, then it is very clear that our actions in this world will reverberate in the next. And we shall all see each other, at the end of time, in a better place, when we are our better selves after having been purified and made better in this “valley of soul-making.”

So, thank you, Mozart. And thanks to the person who bade me forgive at a time when I found it impossible to do so. And now I have. And now my soul is truly free.