Book Review: TALKING TO STRANGERS by Malcolm Gladwell

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know by Malcolm Gladwell

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


"To assume the best about another is the trait that has created modern society. Those occasions when our trusting nature gets violated are tragic. But the alternative -- to abandon trust as a defense against predation and deception -- is worse."

So I did with this book what I normally do with folks I see while people watching at a cafe... I judged the book by its cover. And judged wrongly!!! Ahahaha. I was under the impression that the book would help me understand strangers and talk to them with greater ease... something that I'm still uncomfortable with. #introvertproblems

If anything, the book made me more confused about how to approach strangers! But in a good way. Gladwell writes about historical issues and makes us re-examine them and our own assumptions. It's a book of caution against hasty judgments.

Gladwell talks about how we default to truth, that we are hardwired to explain away little inconsistencies, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, until there is too much evidence to the contrary. Spies and criminals take advantage of this!

He also discusses the illusion of transparency -- how we assume that honest people broadcast their true emotions physically -- and the resulting problems of mismatching -- when people's demeanors don't match their intentions.

There's also the issue of Coupling, which says that time and location have a greater impact on human behavior than we think. The data he presented on how crimes in several cities are so geographically precise (we're talking BLOCKS!) shook me!

He offers this advice: approach strangers with caution and humility. Because there's SO MUCH going on and we can never truly judge people based on appearance and gut feel alone.

I was particularly struck with the chapters discussing the Jerry Sandusky, Brock Turner, and Larry Nassar cases. Gladwell offers insights beyond the "teach men to respect women" charge. He also provides an explanation as to why some of these cases took years to be reported, and to be resolved. This book should come with a trigger warning, however. It gets pretty explicit in these chapters.

Before reading this book, I didn't know that one could be considered in a state of drunken "blackout" (not remembering anything that happens) and yet be capable of doing usual things like ordering stuff online from Lazada, checking in an Airbnb, conversing, and commuting!!! Gladwell says it's because the part of the brain for memory (the hippocampus) shuts down while the other parts function the usual way. This provides an additional insight into the Brock Turner issue, because when you have two adults in a state of blackout -- both no longer themselves due to the amount of alcohol in their bloodstream -- misunderstandings (to put it mildly!!!) lead to tragic consequences.

Rated two stars because it is by no means an academic book, and can seem a bit disorganized... but he makes us interested in reading up on the events and issues he writes about. I'm grateful that Gladwell provides extensive notes at the end so we can read the primary sources ourselves.



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