The horror. The living nightmare. Things will never be the same.
I was in a semi-daze for several days following the tragedy. Oh, how to explain what I felt? It sort of felt like I had shrunk, like my soul had dried up. Like a candle lit within has died. Out of self-preservation, I acted. I shall tell what I did, although the full import of my actions hit me after I had already done them.
Firstly, I was driven to wear a scent. You see, I normally spritz on some eau de toilette only during very special happenings like the rare dinner and night out. But somehow, I felt compelled to spray some all over, twice or thrice during the day! It's as if I was trying to banish the darkness by smelling good things, sweet and innocent things, like flowers and baby powder.
I found my olfactory savior in Durance's eau de toilette (Rose).
Secondly, I attended a concert.
How to explain the near-desparation I felt when I received an invitation to attend the Litany for the Coming Messiah: An Advent Concert for Organ & Oboe to be held at the Union Church of Manila?
I HAD to attend the concert!! I simply HAD to!!!!
I stumbled across this quote from "The Little Book" by Selden Edwards the other day, and it makes me realize WHY I felt the overwhelming urge to watch the concert:
"Music's principle function is to organize the details into harmonies that are intended to make us forget that there is randomness all around us. It wards off the chaos." (emphasis mine)
And indeed, last night's concert brought both catharsis and healing to the wounded souls who attended.
The programme was as follows:
Prelude and Fugue in C minor, BWV 546 (J.S. Bach)
Schmucke dich, o liebe Seele (J.S. Bach)
Pastorale, Op. 19 (Cesar Franck)
Toccata in B minor (Eugene Gigout)
Praire (Alejandro Consolacion III)
Litanies (Jehan Alain)
Improvisation (Alejandro Consolacion III)
3rd Romance for Oboe and Piano (Robert Schumann)
Concerto for Oboe : 1st movement (W. A. Mozart)
Suite Rural (Alejandro Consolacion III)
The organist, Alejandro Consolacion III, was in superb form last night and thrilled the audience when he improvised on the wedding anniversary date of one of the couples present: March 27, 1982. He must have improvised for about twelve minutes, I've never witnessed anything like it!
The oboist, Franz Miguel Ramirez (who shall forever remain my dear "Mikko"), was beautifully accompanied by Mary Anne Espina on the piano as he gave his flawless performances, interpreting the Mozart concerto with a slightly daring "Romantic" edge, but always with impeccable phrasing and with such musicality that his playing brought tears to my eyes more than once.
Of course, the crowd favorite was the organist's own composition, the Suite Rural. He wrote the Prelude after the Visayan lullaby, Ili-Ili Tulog Anay. The Habanera was the Ilocano song, Osi-osi, while the Chanson was the Pangasinan love song, Malinac lay labi. He finished off with Pen-Pen de Sarapen written in Rondo form.
Truly, as Sir Eudy said in his pre-concert speech, musicians have a ministry of their own, and it is a mighty, powerful one. Last night's beautiful music DID ward off the chaos that threatened to overwhelm me, and for the first time in several nights, I slept peacefully. :)
How did you cope with the terrible news?
i don't know... half-indignant, and half-resigned is how i'd describe my reaction. i was mad, but what can one do? i'm glad though your'e feeling better. these things can really make people cynical kasi...
ReplyDeleteI bitched at students who dared make light of it.
ReplyDeleteI dedicated the BANWA workshop in Osaka to the victims...and to the thought and hope that our country be TOTALLY LIBERATED from such corrupt and highly feudal politics...............
ReplyDeleteI still thank God that Dipolog is a very peaceful place but right after its borders, things like these happen all the time here in Mindanao, Gabi. The fact that almost half of the victims this time were journalists is the reason why the whole country and the rest of the world wants justice for them. When I heard the news, I shivered, but said, "Again?!" But what went through my mind was, "what about justice for the other innocent thousands who aren't media people?" It's not that we're "immune" to these things, Gabi, it still horrifies us. But "coping up" might not be the term for people here. We live with it.
ReplyDeletegrabe Miracle... i doubly don't know how to react now. to realize that this happens all the time without us knowing it... how can people go on with life with all this happening? ignorance is indeed bliss, and in a way, perhaps its a good thing the media's eyes are limited, lest we continually live with the weight of all these things... i don't know... it really is a fallen world...
ReplyDeleteDuring these killing sprees, the number of civilian victims usually exceed the Maguindanao massacre, but they are only buried in obscurity. While the Maguindanao massacre may have been the worst thing that happened in the history of journalism, it is certainly not the worst thing that happened in Mindanao.
ReplyDeleteMy mom used to live somewhere near Cotabato for a few years and she affirms that things like these are nothing out of the ordinary. She personally knew several victims and experienced hiding in the bathroom at night with rubber shoes on as bullets grazed their house. You and your family could get killed simply by looking at someone on the street, and when political rivalry is concerned, sometimes whole villages are wiped out. People don't know what to think anymore.
grabe talaga.... :(
ReplyDeleteNewspaper publishers, media channels and most people promote a belief that he did it because he was angry at something. That is absurdity since most people can be angry at somebody or something else. Getting annoyed does not convert millions of people into murderers. What is the real cause then?
ReplyDeleteWay back in Russia, I've seen people who would do anything, even murdering relatives, when they were brainwashed by GULAG KGB agents (a small portion of KGB). Numerous massacres as well as suicide-murders are executed by the brainwashed because of mind control techniques employed by GULAG KGB agents, who experimented with and attempted to brainwash above 10 million people (GULAG was the largest world’s mind control laboratory).
Other teams and organizations, like Arab terrorists, Al-Qaeda, CIA, etc., when they all combined together, didn't have even 1 % of people to try out.
This webpage Mind Control and its links offer numerous cases how and why GULAG KGB agents organize massacres and killings using mind control techniques (real brainwashing) that creates obedient zombies. The URL web page link is http://www.normalbreathing.com/mind-control.php
Many of these rampage killers could be totally innocent people because most people would do anything right after being brainwashed.